gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
