i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
