It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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