i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We have so much sex to catch up on
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
