I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
