my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
