he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
