i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
