I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
