U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize