So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
