remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
