He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
