I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
