Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
