mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
