I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
