First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
