and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
