I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
