I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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