this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
