Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize