My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
