is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
