I love black thongs
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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