what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
