i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
