good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
