My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
