everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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