I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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