when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
