he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
