Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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