Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He better not be in your backpack
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
