never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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