i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
