a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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