but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
