Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
