we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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