clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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