i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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