he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Still dying that you shit outside
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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