spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
