I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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