You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
