I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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