You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We got so high we made milksteak
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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