Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
