I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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