Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
