Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
