ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
