You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize