After last night, I could never be a politician.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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