So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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