sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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