so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
