either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
