My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
