I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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