i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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