when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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