There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
