I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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