He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
