His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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