and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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