he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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