it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
