so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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