ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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