I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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