Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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