Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize