I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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