I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Blood and glitter go together right?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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