Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize