Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
