If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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