A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
