Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
