Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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