Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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