We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
