She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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