My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize