Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you made out with another girl for some wings
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
