New invention idea: vibrating tampons
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
