oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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