Don't make out with my wife yet
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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