I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
