I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
