you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
