Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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