I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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