good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
