No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
