youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
