I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
