Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude. I can hear the air.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
