Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
