oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
